Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
