Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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