she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
