this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
