i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
