Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
