hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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