Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.