I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
