He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.