Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.