hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.