Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
