I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
