you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
