never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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