how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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