Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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