i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
