this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
