Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
