I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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