Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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