Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
