This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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