I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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