You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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