A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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