Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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