I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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