Got a toothbrush?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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