So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
