We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
