Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
