the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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