Need sex. Gaining weight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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