Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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