I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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