dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
