i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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