So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.