So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!