Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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