we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup