Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.