I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?