I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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