I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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