somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
