Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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