Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
