So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
