I accidentally had phone sex last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
