this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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