forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
