Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
