I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
