somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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