I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
