it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
