You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you made out with another girl for some wings
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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