i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
