I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
