Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
