the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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