She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
