In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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