Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
