You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
