this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
