so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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