True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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