I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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