thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
