4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize