Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
