I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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