I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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