I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
