And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
