Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
