i don't like sucking hair
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
