I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
