it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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