i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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