I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
